Update

Life seems to keep moving along and I just don't seem to be able to keep my blog up to date. So here's my try. This weekend I was down at Pebble Beach for a show. I was entered in the 4'6" classes but as it turned out there weren't enough people to fill the big class (exept Saturday where there were two of us) so things got dropped down to 4'3". Friday night was the professional class. I rode agains both my trainers. Having had two nights with little sleep (one due to my fucked up crazy mind and the other thanks to Apple Jacks aka boy) I was glad the fences were a bit smaller. I go in the ring and remember why I love this sport, why I can't seem to quit, why i'm broke 'cause of it. I make it all the way to the second to last fence and get a rail down (not enough leg over the top) and I drop into fourth place. Not bad, still beat both my trainers. Won something like $500 and paid for most of the horse show. Saturday, fences back up to 4'6" and they were... my heart in my head. I have a GREAT warm up. I go into the ring and canter up to the first fence and just stare at it. Stella, being the being she is, reches deep down and tries to figure out why her mother is just sitting there when this big jump is coming up on a half stride. So we chest it, well Stella chests it, we suffer down to the next fence and fianlly I pull my shit together. The rest of the course was beautiful. Lo-and-behold I got second... yeah it helps when there are only two people in the class. Sunday, back down to 4'3" cause there wasn't anyone else to show against me. Not to sound cocky but I go in and win. Not bad considering Stella's been sick.
Okay, I was asked for an Apple Jacks up date. All seems well. As I said Thur. night we had date three, yet it felt like date 300. We went out, had dinner and had a "grown up date" meaning we didn't just sit at his house and make out all night, it was only all early morning, cause we were out being "grown ups" 'til 1:30am... stuck in traffic. Oh and doing some PDA. It's odd to have such a level of comfort with someone when we really don't know each other. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. I'm waiting for him to look at me and say, "no, you're not cool enough." Or "no, you're too needy." Or "sorry, I want someone a little more adventurious." Or the ever fearful, "sorry you're great but I just don't think I have time for this." So part of me is holding my breath, keeping a little distant, though that hasn't work much. (Is it odd that Build Me Up Buttercup by Save Ferris is playing while I write this... i swear Itunes is on random... "buttercup don't break my heart"). I'm doing everything so I won't bethat girl who starts pushing away so he doesn't push me away first.... though as i think back I don't think that's anything i've ever done. Girlie panic hasn't really happened, thought i've teatered on the edge, and most importantly I've never has it when he's around... and when he's around I can't not touch him. Hand on the shoulder, knee, hair. I don't know I've never trusted puppy love... I worry it will grow up and be a big pit bull. I'm working on it. I'm working on, as I say, just rolling with it, enjoying the comfort.